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Literature Text
When you're up late at night thinking the world is so cold,
and how you stuck all alone with no one to hold.
Running in your mind are those words you never thought you'd hear.
The pain that follows behind feels like it was your biggest fear.
You didn't know how to respond and didn't know how to react.
When the pain hit so hard like a heart attack.
It made you run and hide trying to escape the world
Left there all alone while your mind raced and swirled.
Searching all around for a way to stop the pain,
When in reality all I wanted was to be hung by a chain.
Does death seem so bad as you lay there on the floor.
What else comes to mind when you don't want to feel anymore.
and how you stuck all alone with no one to hold.
Running in your mind are those words you never thought you'd hear.
The pain that follows behind feels like it was your biggest fear.
You didn't know how to respond and didn't know how to react.
When the pain hit so hard like a heart attack.
It made you run and hide trying to escape the world
Left there all alone while your mind raced and swirled.
Searching all around for a way to stop the pain,
When in reality all I wanted was to be hung by a chain.
Does death seem so bad as you lay there on the floor.
What else comes to mind when you don't want to feel anymore.
Literature
A poem about love
Love consists out of pain
Love consists out of desire
Love is what I admire
Love always fights against my brain
Love is despising
Love is passion
Love is not a piece of fashion
Love is always surprising
None of these things are untrue
Love is enough to make one weep
That is love as it seems
Yet when I think of you
I simply can’t fall asleep
Since life is finally better, than in my own dreams
Literature
Let's Pretend
Let’s pretend there is no one else
Let’s pretend that the only people in this world
Is you and me
Let’s pretend that no one is watching us
Let’s pretend that the whole world is our home
Where we spend time together
Loving every moment
Let’s pretend that we have no worries
Let’s pretend that there is nothing to stop us
From spending time even
Over seas
Let’s pretend to be a couple
Let’s pretend that we are getting married
You in your suit and me with my
Veil
Let’s pretend to fight
Let’s pretend to argue
Even though in the end we want each other
Let’s pretend that every night is meant
Literature
Keep this promise
Do me a favor; don’t forget the time that we spent
It won’t last forever; I’m sure that one day we’ll meet again
Because we’re truly not far apart, it might as well be the start
And I know it seems a bit rough, just remember to not lose your heart
Because I’ll keep my faith in you, as long as you stay true
And don’t lose your faith in me, your friends barely know me
So don’t you ever worry, because one day we’ll start our story
Filling the blanks that we left open, keeping us from feeling lonely
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Comments1
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Hi there! I enjoyed this piece a lot. You definitely get a sense of the hopelessness and despair the subject of the poem is feeling. The only thing I could find that was distracting in the piece were a few grammatical errors. For example the line:
'Does death seem so bad as you lay there on the floor.'
I was wondering why you decided to forgo a question mark at the end. The way it's phrased sounds like a question. If you want to keep it as a regular sentence, I would change it's structure or do the simple fix to
'Does death seem so bad as you lay there on the floor?'
Another one I noticed was:
'You didn't know how to respond and didn't know how to react.
When the pain hit so hard like a heart attack.'
I was again wondering why you decided to make the second line a sentence. When read by itself, it doesn't make sense. Only put together with the first does it give any context. I would either change those two lines to make it so they can stand alone or change it to
'You didn't know how to respond and didn't know how to react,
when the pain hit so hard like a heart attack.'
All-in-all, I thought this was a really good poem. The emotion was conveyed with clarity. The feelings of the subject were, unfortunately, ones familiar to me. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to see how you continue to grow as a writer.
'Does death seem so bad as you lay there on the floor.'
I was wondering why you decided to forgo a question mark at the end. The way it's phrased sounds like a question. If you want to keep it as a regular sentence, I would change it's structure or do the simple fix to
'Does death seem so bad as you lay there on the floor?'
Another one I noticed was:
'You didn't know how to respond and didn't know how to react.
When the pain hit so hard like a heart attack.'
I was again wondering why you decided to make the second line a sentence. When read by itself, it doesn't make sense. Only put together with the first does it give any context. I would either change those two lines to make it so they can stand alone or change it to
'You didn't know how to respond and didn't know how to react,
when the pain hit so hard like a heart attack.'
All-in-all, I thought this was a really good poem. The emotion was conveyed with clarity. The feelings of the subject were, unfortunately, ones familiar to me. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to see how you continue to grow as a writer.